Let me start out by saying that I live in a great neighborhood. I have great neighbors and I have met a lot of great friends. Everybody is just great!

Now, for that famous little word, "but..."

But, have you ever noticed that a neighborhood is like a time warp back to high school? You get sucked into all the gossip whether it's good or bad. You have grown women and men complaining about the people next door (sort of like that weird person who used to be in the locker next to you in high school)
What the lady up the street is wearing or more like what she is not wearing (like the Little-you know what-in high school)
And what about the guy down the street? Did you see him in that new car he just bought? (that would be the rich kid)

All kinds of gossip can suck you in. Before you know it you have wasted an hour or two over coffee discussing things about people you hardly know, just because it's entertaining. Maybe everyone gets sucked in because in some small way it makes him or her feel better about themselves. Maybe for just an hour or two you can push aside your own faults and focus on what your perceive to be someone else's. That little group you are having coffee with becomes your most trusted confidants, until you leave.

I've told my daughters many times that once you are out of high school things are a little different. Ive tried to explain that the little clicks that form in middle school and high school usually do not last a whole season once school is out. Kids go off to college; people get married and others just grow up. I try to tell them not to focus too much on trying to be part of a group, rather just have a good friend that supports you. You don't need a group of people who you call your best friends, you just need a true one. Yeh! That's easier said then done. What am I thinking?

I think its a woman's trait to want to be surrounded and accepted by other women. Nobody wants to feel left out, nobody wants to feel that they were not liked enough to be invited somewhere. Even at my age, I still feel that maybe I have did something wrong to someone or maybe wasn't nice enough when I don't receive an invitation somewhere. Its kind of like being the one who didn't get invited to a birthday party when you were in school.

Now, that's happened in this house. Try explaining to a five year old or even a ten year old why all her friends are invited to little Susie's party and why she wasn't. It's hard to do. First you want to call the mother and scream nasty words across a phone line, second you want never to invite that little brat to your house again. Third, you think, shes having twenty little girls there, whats one more?

But, you are a mom, and good moms don't do stuff like that. You calmly sit your child down and explain through her tears, that maybe little Susie was only allowed to invite a certain number of girls. Maybe her mom made up the list. Maybe the mean postman lost her invitation. Then when none of that works, because you will never have a good enough reason why, you take her out for ice-cream and a movie. Then you swear to yourself that little Susie will not be invited to your daughters birthday party next year. But then come next year she is at the top of the list because shes your daughters new best friend and she could care less about last year. And your daughter of seven keeps you from making an ass out of yourself for being stubborn and spiteful.

I don't think high school ever leaves us. I think whether you were popular, a jock, nerd or dropout, it stays somewhere inside of you. As your children grow you worry that they are not going to have enough friends or they wont be with the right group. You worry that someone will hurt them with cruel words or even just a cool stare.

Unfortunately, there is not much we can do about any of this. I cant count how many times one of my girls has come home broken hearted about something that was said to them at school. And amazingly, they get up the next day and go back and survive.

I suppose the lesson I took away from high school socially was that it is "Social" Its nothing more. I made a lot of good friends and probably a few enemies. The thing is, after almost twenty years there is only a few that I can name. They aren't the girls that wouldn't talk to me, they aren't the boys that wouldn't look at me. To me they are about worth remembering as I am to them.

High School is like a practice ground for life. You grow up and get a job, and someones going to resent you for getting it. You marry someone, and some ex boyfriend/girlfriend is jealous, you move into a beautiful neighborhood with beautiful neighbors and a beautiful school, and someone thinks you don't belong.

Sometime gossiping with a bunch of girlfriends is just the right medicine, and sometimes it can be what makes you sick. And its always good to remember that just down the street there is another group of women sitting around someone elses table maybe talking about you. What do you think they are saying?

I suppose there are just some things they you will never be able to teach. Somethings just have to be learned and experienced. Sometimes learning to keep your mouth shut is one of the hardest. Maybe if for one day we all stayed at home, sat down at own kitchen table, drank our own coffee while looking into ourselves for an hour or two, that might do the trick.