Forty? I dont think so......

I was looking in the mirror the other day and I noticed that I'm not twenty five anymore. Why didn't someone tell me?

I had my mom on the phone last night and she started laughing telling me that she
was in the store trying to find me a birthday card and was looking at the "Forty!" cards...I'm NOT turning FORTY! She said she started laughing in the aisle when she also realized that I'm NOT turning forty! Thanks mom....

Most people assume that I have to be forty just because of my children's ages. My husband and I decided right after we were married that we shouldn't wait to have kids and only waited about six months months before we started trying. So I was six months pregnant when I turned twenty-one. The second arrived when I was twenty-four and our final one I was twenty-seven.

So now I have a daughter who is graduating high school when I am thirty-nine. I think I enjoyed being a young mom, it was hard, but in the end worth it. I just feel like I should be older....and I think I'm finally starting to feel older...

I cant imagine having little ones running under foot right now. I am amazed at my friends that are having their first and second child right now. I really don't think I could do it. I'm glad we did what we did, but man....I'm tired...

The biggest thing for me is to try to figure out how to have a life when I am about to turn forty...no this year mother! I have spent so much of my time being mommy that I really don't know where to start. I almost feel guilty trying to form a life for myself. I have more time, but I have no idea what to do with it. I could go to the gym, I could get a job, but what would I do?

I think the hardest thing is to realize that I am still young enough to do about anything. The weird thing is that mentally I am probably still twenty-one and haven't figured out what that is....I enjoy being a mom..but the complete neediness is almost over.

I think the hardest thing for a mom to learn is to put herself first. To take care of herself. The old saying "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is a very true statement. But finding what makes you happy is a hard thing to discover.

I can see how woman can take the road to botox and plastic surgery...somehow the outside isn't matching with the inside. You want to look as young as you feel and have others perceive you that way also. How do you embrace your age? I think I'm going to have a big problem with the big "4-0" I don't want to get older. I want to be young...I want to feel young...I want to do young things..but my body is saying.."Hey lady....your not sooooo young anymore.." SHUT UP!

So I think my mission this year...my soon to be 39th...is to embrace my age and be the best 39 I can be. I haven't quite figured this out yet. Take more time for myself, take better care of myself, become a newlywed again...my husband will like that..but ultimately to put myself first somehow.

Oh by the way, I want a kick ass 40th birthday party also...I want people to think "She cant be Forty!?" Wouldn't that be nice? I don't just want to not look forty..(even thought I know their are some awesome woman who are FORTY! I'm not knockin' you) I want to be younger in spirit. I want my outside to match my insides, and I want my insides to scream..."I'M YOUNG!"