Christmas Traditions

Well it's that time of year again.

I was looking through some pages on the Internet trying to find some fun family traditions and thought that I would share a few that I found. The first one below is one that our family did when our girls were little. It varied from year to year depending on what we could find around the house or in the refrigerator.

1. At our house on Christmas Eve, we like to make treats, not only for Santa, but for the reindeer too. We like to mix up sunflower seeds and glitter in a bag. Then we go spread it around the yard. This way, the reindeer will be able to see they're at the right house and snack while Santa is busy. Every Christmas morning we make sure to check outside to see if the reindeer ate their snacks!-From Shakopee


2. Two weeks prior to Christmas our family gets together to make the most beautiful gingerbread houses. Frosting and candy is decoratively placed on every house. Our last activity on Christmas Day is the ceremonial "blowing up of the gingerbread houses" using firecrackers, to the cheers of the entire family.- From Burnsville


3. The one thing my family and I especially love is my "special" tablecloth. Take a plain white cotton flat sheet. Buy LOTS of different colored permanent markers. When your guests arrive have them either write their names and dates, draw a picture, or write what Christmas means to them.

I use a different one for each holiday. When the babies come we draw their hands on the cloth. Then next year we draw their hands next to last years one. It is fun to see how MUCH they have grown in one year. I can also remember "who" was at my home what year. I have a lot of very pretty pictures drawn by guests who have talent.

I buy a clear plastic shower curtain to put over the cloth so I can keep it on the table. When it gets full I put it away and start another one. They will make great gifts for my children when I am gone. The girls can remember what boyfriend they had that year.- From Unknown


Every year around this time families gather to celebrate the holiday's. Its a time of year that allows you to show your love for friends and family with a simple card or a thoughtful gift. Sometimes just being able to all be in the same place at the same time is enough to make my mothers holiday. Arriving safely at our destination is my fathers only request.

I was trying to think of some family tradition that we have in our family and I really couldn't think of one as unique as the ones above. Like many mothers, mine has all of my ornaments that I made in Sunday School and elementary school hanging on her tree (I'm still not allowed to touch them...that's her job) So I suppose that is her tradition.

We make Tom and Jerry's every year, which was my grandmothers tradition. Since she has passed away this will always continue and has become our tradition and will be a fond memory of her for years to come. My brother and I will continue to pick at the turkey as my mother carves it just because we know it irritates her sometimes terrible. We will also fight over the dark meat and get our hands slapped in the process. There will never be enough chocolate pie to go around and everybody will disappear when my mom needs help making and stirring the gravy. This is a tradition I bet my mother wished we would stop. Sorry mom!

I suppose our Christmas tradition is summed up in just one word, chaos. We spend more time driving to get there then we do visiting. We are sometimes cranky and tired from the journey home, but its always worth it. We have stayed home for many other holidays and family occasions, but the Christmas season is just one that we feel we always have to travel home for. No matter where my own family settles down, there is only one place that I consider home during this time of year.

Home for the holidays is my mother and father, sister and brothers, nieces and nephews, cousins and grandparents. It's sleeping on the floor, sharing one bathroom, eating pie for breakfast the day after Christmas, a college football bowl game (if we are lucky) traveling with cranky teens crammed into a packed truck and best of all....not matter how odd we all are and what differences we may have, for a few days its the best tradition a girl could ask for.

Want Or Need?

How many times have you tried to make a deal with God?....

If I only had...a better house, a better job, lived somewhere else? Won the lottery? Why aren't we content with what we have?

I suppose if we were content with what we have we would feel somehow stuck.

I think as I get older I'm beginning to feel OK with being stuck. Years ago I felt like I needed to compete with someone. I'm not sure who that someone was except I never felt like I was good enough. Now I'm thinking "who gives a shit" I'm kind of liking that thinking.

I love my house. Even though it is in a constant need of repair. I need siding, I need the thistles to disappear from my yard, the fence needs to be replaced. I just painted my bedroom after living her almost ten years. Trees need to be cut down and I'm sure a few windows need to be replaced. But...I love my house...because..I love my neighbors...I love keeping my door open for whoever to walk in. I love my basement, not because its perfect but because it is not. My husband finished it with a little help from me and pieced together a bar over many long weekends. I love my deck, also built by Tim. Its the memories in the various projects.

When we moved from our house in Omaha the realtor told us to paint over all the little things that made my daughters rooms their own. The big hand painted sunflowers etc..I didn't. I couldn't make myself. He told us to paint this wall that was in our storage area that the girls used as a play room (it was covered with painted hand prints of theirs and their friends, a lake scene Tim had painted with finger paints..because the girls wanted him too)..I didn't paint it. The house sold fast to a family with three girls who the rooms fit perfectly. I'm not sure if they painted over the wall in the basement but I'm hoping they didn't and that they just kept adding their personal touches to it.

Sure I want more things. Id love a lake house and a second home in Mexico. The lottery wouldn't be bad either. But I'm getting content. I have what I need, everything else is just extra stuff. I could always use more friends, but I love the ones I have. I DO NOT need anymore children..I am very very content in that area.

I will probably try to make deals with God in my future. I will bargain for the health of my children and my husband. I will bargain with Him for the long lives of my parents, but I will not bargain for stuff.

I have boxes of stuff. I cant pull my cars into the garage because of stuff. I hate dusting stuff...stuff is smothering.

I wasn't sure if I was going to post anything today because I really couldn't think of anything to write about. I sat down at the computer because I was taking a break from organizing all my STUFF..crap...junk...

Life is funny. As you get older your trying to accumulate stuff...and then you get a little older and your trying to get rid of it all. Then your children grow up and move out and you try to hand off your stuff to them...and all your really thinking about it waiting for the last one to leave the house so you can downsize your house and sell a car and rid yourself of all that stuff you wanted so bad.

I wish I would have learned that lesson earlier, the one about needing something and wanting something. Now I try to give myself 48 hours to ponder a new purchase because usually its a want not a need. And now I know that in about three years I'm going to have to find someone who WANTS what I thought I NEEDED.

Stay At Home Mom

Ok..This is a from a past newsletter also....5 years ago. So I've moved and moved back...and now have been married twenty years. I'm no longer making toothpick art projects with my kids...just writing checks!....enjoy young moms.


I'm at that point in my life where I am having a hard time defining myself. I can easily say that I am a mother, I have the stretch marks to prove it. I can also say that I am a wife. I am someones daughter and someones sister. But for some reason I feel like I am lacking some better describable attributes.

I dread walking into a party and being asked by the PHD holding, mother of two (boy and girl of course) blonde, toned, beautiful working mother "So, what do you do?"
Now I don't hold anything against this woman, its a reasonable question to ask someone to begin a little small talk. But finding the answer to this question quick enough not to let her see the panic that's raging through me is the dilemma.

"I stay home with my kids" That just seems like a lame, un-descriptive answer.
"I stay at home and make sure that the cat litter box is cleaned and if my kids are sick, I can get to them and school and back home in two minutes"....Ok, that just sounds pitiful.
"I make sure that the telemarketers have someone to talk to between the hours of nine and five" Ok..its just getting worse.

When my husband and I first got married almost fifteen (now twenty) years ago, you didn't see as many stay at home moms as you do these days. We got pregnant with our first daughter when I was only twenty years old, six months after we got married and at that time we decided that when she was born I would stay home. This wasn't the easiest thing to accomplish. There were alot of sacrifices that were made for making that decision. He worked a full-time job, went to school at night and on top of that built fences on the weekends. But this was the decision that we had made.

So for almost fifteen years, while various friends have gotten their college degrees and have moved up the corporate ladder, Ive been moving. Moving from and apartment to a rental house. At the birth of our second daughter, we moved then to our first home. After the birth of our third daughter we soon moved into a larger home, and then eventually to a new city and a new job. And then again, to yet another city.

I dig through backpacks and make houses out of toothpicks. I try to make my yard beautiful and I take the trash out. I do funerals for goldfish, and babysit baby dolls while my youngest daughter is at school. I carpool to volleyball and soccer and coach my two youngest daughters cheer leading teams. I explain why the bird is gone and the cat has gotten fatter. I wipe tears when they come home, and say sorry when I'm the one who causes them.

I only wish there was a universal definition of a stay at home mom. If I could only say those words and see the amazement in someones eyes. If I could only say those words and not feel like I am in some way inferior to those women who do not. I have a lot of respect for women who work. My own mother worked and is still working. I don't think I was damaged in any way because she did. But, it just seems that there is so much more glamour associated with woman who do both. They are both breadwinners and caretakers.

The funny thing is that these women who I am trying to make small talk with probably want to be exactly where I am. Maybe they work because they love what they do, or maybe because they have to. I don't know if they hire caretakers for their children when they have to stay home from school sick, and don't think twice about it. Or if they are counting the minutes till they get home because they had no choice.

One of these days when my kids are grown and gone, maybe I'll wish that I had a career to fall back on. Maybe I will second guess my decision to be "old fashioned" and stay home.
Maybe the women I attempt to make small talk with will wish they could have had more time to sew on brownie patches and drive carpools.
Or maybe we'll all be in exactly the same place then. Watching our children walk out into the world knowing that the decision we made was just the right one. That whichever path we had chosen had influenced our children in just the right way.

So next time I'm in a situation that requires me to answer the question "So what do you do?" I think my answer will be.

"I stay home with my kids" my palms may sweat a little but I think in the long run I can live with that. If that's the worst thing that happens I think I'll be ok.

-----Five years later and one is on college, one in high school and one in eighth grade. I am no longer watching baby dolls and doing a car pool. I am beginning to reap the rewards of motherhood like all moms will do whether they stay home or not.
I watching grown women..or almost..find their way in the world and I have to say..It's a beautiful thing.

Read This For Me and My Sister Please

This is something I wrote a couple of years ago but would like to re post in honor of my sister. Kimber Le Hurt, the best sister a girl could ever have, passed away one year ago today from breast cancer.

October is National Breast Cancer awareness month. I didn't know this fact until I found myself writing up a flyer for a fundraiser to help my sister with her own battle with breast cancer. It's amazing all the information that we close our eyes to until it smacks us in the face. There has never been any history of breast cancer in my family so of course like many I neglect doing self exams until I have to go to the doctor. Of course when they ask me if I have been doing these every month I typically answer "yes! Of course!" I am such a liar.

When my sister informed me that she had breast cancer I was stunned. I thought this "thing" had to run in families. (Fact-80% of Breast Cancer is NOT hereditary) In a world wind our family was turned into a team out to get information. The more I talked to people the more I learned of treatments, nausea, how much the nausea pills cost! And how many women have it that live right in our area. I was shocked.

Am I stupid? I wouldn't like to think so. I think that we all tend to close our eyes to somethink that is scary. How do you ignore the little pink ribbons and posters and commercials? You turn your head, you get up to get a drink when a commercial comes on, you probably do what I do and just think "This doesn't concern me, and it doesn't run in my family"

I suppose there are a lot of people out there who don't know anyone who has breast cancer. I'm going to assume that there are a lot of women out there like me who don't do a breast exams every month. I'm also going to assume that there are a lot of doctors out there who know that we are lying to them when we come into see them every month.. If your only excuse for not doing a self exam is that you have not had it effect you directly yet, let me be your link. If you know me, then you know someone whose family is dealing with breast cancer.

I can never fully understand what my sister and those around me with breast cancer are going through. I can sit on the phone for hours with my sister as she tells me about how her butt goes to sleep after sitting getting chemo for four hours, I can listen to her concern for her daughters and her husband who go out of their way to support her. I can try to help her understand her medical bills and co-payments and try to help her raise money for her battle, but I cant quite say the right thing to make it all better.

The one thing that breast cancer has done for our family is brought us closer together. Our family has one mission and that is to help her fight in any way we can. We know that "chili feeds" to help raise money wont cure her disease but it does show her all the support she has from her family and friends. I know the late night phone calls wont cure her, but somehow might lighten her load. I know my little article in this little newsletter wont cure cancer either, but maybe, just maybe it will get one of you who is reading this to honestly be able to answer your Doctor when they ask you if you have been doing your monthly exams. Oh, and don't forget! All of you (you know who you are) go get that mammogram that you have been putting off getting. It might just save your life.

Spread the word. For me, for my sister, for yourself, your daughters, your wife, your grandchildren, your neighbors...you get the point.



As of this day, one year ago August 25, 2010 my lovely only sister, Kimber Le Allen Hurt lost her battle with breast cancer. I cant even begin to explain the pain and loss I feel everyday. She became a grandmother for the third time during this past year...she was buried on her 49th birthday...and she she would have turned 50 this Sunday...me 40 her 50..we would have had so much fun celebrating...my heart aches for voice on the phone.

Please forward this post or at least comment or LIKE it...to show support for all those who have lost someone or for those who are fighting the battle...and to support my family and the memory of Kim...Thank you for re-reading..

Crude And Honest...The Powere Of Age

Ok, So I think I'm starting to piss my mother off (big surprise there!) She called yesterday while I was talking with a friend on the deck and I noticed from the caller ID that it was her. I was tempted not to pick it up......

No! this is not going to be a SAD story....please continue....

(Let me give you a little bit of background here..fast... When my sister got sick and put in the hospital, I got the phone call, the one you don't want to get, the "come home now" phone call.)

Soooo..I answered the phone "Who died?"...proceeded by "Is dad fine?"..followed by "Let me call you right back"....Ok...yes I'm tacky and crude.

Its crazy living so far away from your family. Its hard worrying about your parents health from miles away. Its scary sometimes to pick up the phone.

I realize as I'm getting older my mouth seems to be open more. The sensor has somehow been disconnected. I say what I mean more often because whats the point in beating around the bush. (yes, I know some of you would say this is not something new, Its just gotten worse..shit)

At some point it just seems like its much easier just to come right out and say what your thinking. The problem is that it takes us till we are in about our 40's to get the nerve to do this, and then we have to try to reign ourselves in a little so we just don't come across as "nasty old people"

Whats the point of being with your friend as shes trying on lets say, dresses, and she comes out looking like a giant puff ball. You get the "How does this look?" question. Well lets see, you can say "I don't really like the color"..which then she will say "But I love blue"...then you will say "It just doesn't seem to be the right style..etc...etc.."...When all you really want to say is "Your ass looks like the backside of a barn in it, take it off now!"...much easier, honest and saves a lot of time.

Oh the benefits of age. As Ive gotten older though, my mother has also. The deal is that the roles are starting to reverse a little. I'm sure she worries about my brothers and I all the time, but lately I feel like I'm worrying more about them. Their getting old!

I'm asking the questions about doctors and what kind of meds are being taken. I'm worrying when I don't get a phone call or sometimes if I do. I'm not into surprises anymore (except if its my birthday of course)...I want to know whats going on all the time and I want to know all the details (yes..see above comment..always been like this, just getting worse)

I want to know where my parents are at all times, what time they got in, who they were with etc. etc...

I want to speak my mind without giving a crap who I might offend....(maybe someday)
I want to feel mature yet not old.
I want to have control...but yet let someone else lead.
I want to be honest, yet not hurtful.
I want a little red light to light up my phone when there is going to be bad news on the other end.

I'm fighting this age thing. I want to feel mature and have the benefits of being "older" I just don't want to feel or look "OLD!"

Sassy!...that's what I want to be when I grow up. The sassy old lady!..the one who says what she thinks without sensor....I'm sure my kids will love this when they start having kids of there own down the road.

This is going to be great!...until they stick my ass in a nursing home!

Girlfriend To Girlfriend

The high school girls were just here.

They all came into my life many years ago, at different times and in some way changed my world. We tried make-up for the first time together, shared secrets about crushes and shared details about first kisses. We fought like crazy at certain times over the years, but luckily I cant remember any of them.

We came together as if no time had passed. And it was great! Nobody has really changed and that is what made it so nice and surprising. We have gotten married, or not!...some have had kids but nothing much has changed. The personalities are all still the same, the habits remain...even the annoying ones.

People asked me how it went and it was so easy to answer, sort of.

I thought about this, and you would think there would be a lot to discuss...our lives...our kids....the past. Funny thing was we didn't talk a lot about those things, we just laughed, a lot.
We fell back into the routine in high school...the funny one..the quiet one...the bossy one (I think we have all taken on that role) And it just worked.

In a sense this was comforting...even know I don't think that is the right word. It made me realize that in high school I made the right choices as to who my friends were. They were real, they were not phony....we were bitchy to each other...but all out of love. And we all seem to have remained pretty similar. Maybe we were the only ones who could put up with each other..hadn't thought of that.

Three of the four that came were bridesmaids in my wedding and still love me after having to wear the peach colored dresses I had them wear, so that says something about friendship.

I tell my girls that you only need a small circle of friends in high school and not to worry about being part of a larger crowd. Most the time when you leave school and go off to college you will have a hard time remembering the girls you so wanted to be friends with...and they wont remember you either.

Its those friends who tell you that what your wearing makes your ass look huge, its the one who tells you that your boyfriend is a jerk, its the one you call at two in the morning because the jerk broke up with you to go out with the girl whose ass looked better!.... those are the friends you keep, those are the friends you remember, those are the friends that after twenty years will jump in a car and drive eight hours to spend a few days with you.

They are the ones who show up at your parents house when your sister passes away with food and hugs even though you haven't seen or talked to them in years....those are friends.

Just wanted to let them all know how much their friendship means to me...their hugs...their smiles..their families...their laughs and their tears. Their is no better group of girls then the ones who you can grow old with, joke about gray hair with, make fun of flabby thighs with....and still not really see them as any older than sixteen.

Love to you all.

Just A Look

Just a little look and you knew what my mother was thinking. Most of the knowledge I have about motherhood came to me from visual clues that I received through my life. A little wink, a glare across a room full of people, a smile that lights up her eyes.

A feeling of love warmed me as I glanced at mother from the front of the church on my wedding day. The wet tears which swelled in her eyes as she saw my first daughter after her birth. The proud lift of her eyebrows as she walked around my first home, lightly brushing her fingertips over the counter tops.

Concern and sadness filled her eyes as I told her we were moving away but at the same time a joy, because she knew we needed to go.

Pain, I have seen pain and loss in those eyes as well. I witnessed pain and heartache as we watched my sister pass away from breast cancer only eight months ago and I saw in her eyes, her face and her tears, how much she wanted to take all my pain away...and couldn't.

I have learned many things from my mother, how to love, cry, laugh, smile and grieve..Sometimes not with words..But just a look.

A look only a daughter can read as it slowly makes its way across her mother’s face and reaches her eyes...those ever seeing, always knows how your feeling, wishes she could take the hurt away, love you forever, looks.

As I have raised my three girls I have gotten much grief about the "looks" I give them. I am always told to "stop looking at me like that!" Someday I hope they will come to understand the meanings in each glance I send their way.

I remember crying to my mother and asking her advice and never getting a response that I thought I needed to hear..I would just get those eyes looking at me. I did not understand at the time that sometimes words just can’t be used, that sometimes there is no right thing to say, sometimes there is just love. She loves me through her actions and her touch, her smile and her tears, her mistakes and my mistakes.

Every time when we are leaving her house after a visit, I watch her, watch me, as we pull out of the driveway. And even though we have hugged and said our goodbyes, it’s her eyes I watch as we head out on our journey home. She waves, I wave...but I see one last "I love you, be safe" as we finally pull out of view, I can no longer see her, but I can feel her eyes upon me and I feel love.