Want Or Need?

How many times have you tried to make a deal with God?....

If I only had...a better house, a better job, lived somewhere else? Won the lottery? Why aren't we content with what we have?

I suppose if we were content with what we have we would feel somehow stuck.

I think as I get older I'm beginning to feel OK with being stuck. Years ago I felt like I needed to compete with someone. I'm not sure who that someone was except I never felt like I was good enough. Now I'm thinking "who gives a shit" I'm kind of liking that thinking.

I love my house. Even though it is in a constant need of repair. I need siding, I need the thistles to disappear from my yard, the fence needs to be replaced. I just painted my bedroom after living her almost ten years. Trees need to be cut down and I'm sure a few windows need to be replaced. But...I love my house...because..I love my neighbors...I love keeping my door open for whoever to walk in. I love my basement, not because its perfect but because it is not. My husband finished it with a little help from me and pieced together a bar over many long weekends. I love my deck, also built by Tim. Its the memories in the various projects.

When we moved from our house in Omaha the realtor told us to paint over all the little things that made my daughters rooms their own. The big hand painted sunflowers etc..I didn't. I couldn't make myself. He told us to paint this wall that was in our storage area that the girls used as a play room (it was covered with painted hand prints of theirs and their friends, a lake scene Tim had painted with finger paints..because the girls wanted him too)..I didn't paint it. The house sold fast to a family with three girls who the rooms fit perfectly. I'm not sure if they painted over the wall in the basement but I'm hoping they didn't and that they just kept adding their personal touches to it.

Sure I want more things. Id love a lake house and a second home in Mexico. The lottery wouldn't be bad either. But I'm getting content. I have what I need, everything else is just extra stuff. I could always use more friends, but I love the ones I have. I DO NOT need anymore children..I am very very content in that area.

I will probably try to make deals with God in my future. I will bargain for the health of my children and my husband. I will bargain with Him for the long lives of my parents, but I will not bargain for stuff.

I have boxes of stuff. I cant pull my cars into the garage because of stuff. I hate dusting stuff...stuff is smothering.

I wasn't sure if I was going to post anything today because I really couldn't think of anything to write about. I sat down at the computer because I was taking a break from organizing all my STUFF..crap...junk...

Life is funny. As you get older your trying to accumulate stuff...and then you get a little older and your trying to get rid of it all. Then your children grow up and move out and you try to hand off your stuff to them...and all your really thinking about it waiting for the last one to leave the house so you can downsize your house and sell a car and rid yourself of all that stuff you wanted so bad.

I wish I would have learned that lesson earlier, the one about needing something and wanting something. Now I try to give myself 48 hours to ponder a new purchase because usually its a want not a need. And now I know that in about three years I'm going to have to find someone who WANTS what I thought I NEEDED.