Crude And Honest...The Powere Of Age

Ok, So I think I'm starting to piss my mother off (big surprise there!) She called yesterday while I was talking with a friend on the deck and I noticed from the caller ID that it was her. I was tempted not to pick it up......

No! this is not going to be a SAD story....please continue....

(Let me give you a little bit of background here..fast... When my sister got sick and put in the hospital, I got the phone call, the one you don't want to get, the "come home now" phone call.)

Soooo..I answered the phone "Who died?"...proceeded by "Is dad fine?"..followed by "Let me call you right back"....Ok...yes I'm tacky and crude.

Its crazy living so far away from your family. Its hard worrying about your parents health from miles away. Its scary sometimes to pick up the phone.

I realize as I'm getting older my mouth seems to be open more. The sensor has somehow been disconnected. I say what I mean more often because whats the point in beating around the bush. (yes, I know some of you would say this is not something new, Its just gotten worse..shit)

At some point it just seems like its much easier just to come right out and say what your thinking. The problem is that it takes us till we are in about our 40's to get the nerve to do this, and then we have to try to reign ourselves in a little so we just don't come across as "nasty old people"

Whats the point of being with your friend as shes trying on lets say, dresses, and she comes out looking like a giant puff ball. You get the "How does this look?" question. Well lets see, you can say "I don't really like the color"..which then she will say "But I love blue"...then you will say "It just doesn't seem to be the right style..etc...etc.."...When all you really want to say is "Your ass looks like the backside of a barn in it, take it off now!"...much easier, honest and saves a lot of time.

Oh the benefits of age. As Ive gotten older though, my mother has also. The deal is that the roles are starting to reverse a little. I'm sure she worries about my brothers and I all the time, but lately I feel like I'm worrying more about them. Their getting old!

I'm asking the questions about doctors and what kind of meds are being taken. I'm worrying when I don't get a phone call or sometimes if I do. I'm not into surprises anymore (except if its my birthday of course)...I want to know whats going on all the time and I want to know all the details (yes..see above comment..always been like this, just getting worse)

I want to know where my parents are at all times, what time they got in, who they were with etc. etc...

I want to speak my mind without giving a crap who I might offend....(maybe someday)
I want to feel mature yet not old.
I want to have control...but yet let someone else lead.
I want to be honest, yet not hurtful.
I want a little red light to light up my phone when there is going to be bad news on the other end.

I'm fighting this age thing. I want to feel mature and have the benefits of being "older" I just don't want to feel or look "OLD!"

Sassy!...that's what I want to be when I grow up. The sassy old lady!..the one who says what she thinks without sensor....I'm sure my kids will love this when they start having kids of there own down the road.

This is going to be great!...until they stick my ass in a nursing home!