Just A Look

Just a little look and you knew what my mother was thinking. Most of the knowledge I have about motherhood came to me from visual clues that I received through my life. A little wink, a glare across a room full of people, a smile that lights up her eyes.

A feeling of love warmed me as I glanced at mother from the front of the church on my wedding day. The wet tears which swelled in her eyes as she saw my first daughter after her birth. The proud lift of her eyebrows as she walked around my first home, lightly brushing her fingertips over the counter tops.

Concern and sadness filled her eyes as I told her we were moving away but at the same time a joy, because she knew we needed to go.

Pain, I have seen pain and loss in those eyes as well. I witnessed pain and heartache as we watched my sister pass away from breast cancer only eight months ago and I saw in her eyes, her face and her tears, how much she wanted to take all my pain away...and couldn't.

I have learned many things from my mother, how to love, cry, laugh, smile and grieve..Sometimes not with words..But just a look.

A look only a daughter can read as it slowly makes its way across her mother’s face and reaches her eyes...those ever seeing, always knows how your feeling, wishes she could take the hurt away, love you forever, looks.

As I have raised my three girls I have gotten much grief about the "looks" I give them. I am always told to "stop looking at me like that!" Someday I hope they will come to understand the meanings in each glance I send their way.

I remember crying to my mother and asking her advice and never getting a response that I thought I needed to hear..I would just get those eyes looking at me. I did not understand at the time that sometimes words just can’t be used, that sometimes there is no right thing to say, sometimes there is just love. She loves me through her actions and her touch, her smile and her tears, her mistakes and my mistakes.

Every time when we are leaving her house after a visit, I watch her, watch me, as we pull out of the driveway. And even though we have hugged and said our goodbyes, it’s her eyes I watch as we head out on our journey home. She waves, I wave...but I see one last "I love you, be safe" as we finally pull out of view, I can no longer see her, but I can feel her eyes upon me and I feel love.