What To Do...What To Do

Do you ever find yourself standing in the middle of a room with a list of things to do rattling around in your brain? I do, all the time. For some reason you just cant get yourself to start moving. Should you fold the laundry? do the dishes? Clean the floor? I think the cat litter box needs to be cleaned....are dust bunnies real?...bed sure looks cozy...

I think this time of year is when that seasonal depression crap kicks in....yeah...Im sure of it. Its cold, its windy..gloomy...quiet....yeah bed looks real good.

I can look around myself now and see 50 things that I probably could be doing yet I sat down and got on the computer. Before I know it its going to be the middle of the afternoon and I will have gotten nothing accomplished. Around 4 o'clock my energy and guilt will kick in and I will run around the house and pick up, start dinner and try to make it look like Ive accomplished something with my time all day.

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what I should be doing with my days. I have stacks of pictures that I could be organizing. I have a gym that I could spend hours at all day and get into shape....I could .....do a lot of things. But nothing, nothing is inspiring me.

I'm trying really hard not to spiral down this winter. Some days are harder than others. Every once in awhile the sun comes out and I point my face upwards and let the warmth spread over me...some days that helps. I envision the grass underneath all of the snow...soaking up the moisture...creeping toward the surface...waiting and waiting till the sun and temperatures tell it that its time to come out and play. It seems so far away.

I could paint my nails..but that's really not me. I don't get big enjoyment from self pampering. I could go shopping..but I hate to shop..even on a good day.

Ugh...I hate winter. I think I need to make a list. I'm not sure of what yet. Things I want to accomplish in the next 3 months. One item a day....something that will get me more organized. Clean out the closet....sort threw all the clothes in the closet...man that sounds boring. But it needs to be done.

Lists...lists of things to do for myself. Read a book...but then I get so engrossed that I cant put it down and nothing gets done. I don't even know what I would put on it. I don't need anything...I really don't want anything....

The vacuum is calling me from across the room....maybe Ill edge the carpets...ick. Look in the many boxes in the basement and throw some crap out. Clean the girls rooms or maybe my own. Ok, this isn't sounding very good. But it needs to get done.

Someone please wake me up from my winter coma come spring. Drink in hand...fire pit beckoning from the backyard...lawnchairs..umbrellas...friends..and green...lots of green.